Why Can We Stop Bullying?

Bullying has always been a problem for many generations. Many countries and groups of people have rallies, theme days, national appeals, and many other things to put an end to bullying. Recently movie stars and national role-models have reached out to some of the victims to help build positive self-esteem, but the problem is still evident in our world. We cannot solve the problem by trying to make the bully feel guilty or feel sorry for his/her deeds. We need to heal our world, not blame, or judge others. If we know or can walk in the bully’s shoes, we will be surprised by the pain that he/she is carrying. 

There are long lists of the effect, signs, and symptoms of bullying, but we do not pay attention to the mental state of the bully. Bullying is like a “mental disorder” that cannot be overlooked. I am not minimizing the victim’s pain, but I am saying that if we look deeper, we will see that they are all victims. We cannot solve this by standing up to the bully or trying to make him/her understand his/her actions. Waving a pink shirt in the bully’s face is like waving a bottle of wine in an alcoholic’s face. We must solve the problem at the root or source. It is like putting a band-aid on the wound or treating the symptoms and not the problem. With this in mind, we must reach out to others with love and compassion and not judge. Bullies are seen in every economic status, race, gender and aged group. It is easy to point the finger to children and teens, but there are lots of adult bullies everywhere in our community and world.

There are many bullies who are CEO’s, managers, principals, co-workers, and people who are in supervisory positions. These bullies may not be seen as bullies because they are in a superior role and they oversee subordinate employees. We must help our bullies and the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying may experience physical, emotional, and behavioral problems. It is stated that the victims of bullying may experience physical symptoms such as stress, headaches, stomach-aches, changes in appetite, bedwetting, dizziness, and general aches and pains. Psychological symptoms often include irritability, anxiety, sadness, trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares, tiredness in the mornings, loneliness, helplessness, and feeling isolated. Victims of bullying especially children and teens may exhibit behavioral symptoms such as avoiding social situations, getting to school or late for work, taking off more days, skipping school without telling parents, or even trying to retaliate against their tormentors. As they struggle with the effect of bullying their grades may decline, and they may become self-destructive even run away from home, hurting themselves or contemplating suicide to run away from the pain of bullying.

The bully may be experiencing all the same physical, psychological, mental, and emotional pain similar to the victim. Bullying is very complex, we have to solve it with the joint effort of families, teachers, caretakers and everyone who is raising children, bullies, and victims of bullying. Let us join together and help and protect children before it is too late.

The Mental Effects of Covid19

As we stay at home alone or with families and loved ones, we are filled with overwhelming emotions. We are bombarded with the news of COVID19 and all the other depressing things that are happening in our world. We are dealing with the fear of the unknown, anxiety about how long this pandemic will last, worry about health, economic hardship, joblessness, online learning, teaching our children, working at home, and the list goes on and on. People are glued to their phones and social media eagerly waiting to hear the number of new cases, the number of deaths and how many recovered from COVID19. Staying updated can be a daunting task, which involve staying up late wrestling with sleeplessness.

This need to know everything has created added stress for many people. Anxiety is a normal emotion that serves a purpose in our lives, but chronic stress can be dangerous.  Chronic anxiety or a constant or prolong state of heightened anxiety can be harmful for an individual.  A prolong heightened anxiety can cause some of the following:

•  Increased heart rate, sweating, and or chest pain
• Decrease appetite or binge eating
• Having trouble sleeping
• Feeling detached or unreal

·         Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems such as stomach pain including indigestion, gas and bloating, abdominal cramps and pain, and irritable bowel syndrome.

• Difficulty breathing including a choking sensation, hyperventilation (Breathing rapidly), asthma attacks and coughing fits.
• Negative thoughts including anticipating danger and catastrophe
• Low energy level feeling weak and tired
• Frequent feelings of inadequacy or impending failure, danger, panic, or doom
• Believing that something bad will happen
• Feeling nervous, restless, or tense
• Trouble concentrating or thinking
• Preoccupied or fixated on the present situation
• Having difficulty controlling worry – consumed with negative thoughts
• Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety – avoid places and people

During this time of chaos, panic and worry, we must take control of our bodies and be aware of what we need to survive this pandemic. We must come to a place where we can say, “I know that I will be ok.” Individuals who have been suffering with anxiety will find it very difficult to stay calm and understand that things will get better. Remember a time in your life when things were bad, and it became better and this will bring you through.

Coping Skills

This pandemic will not last forever. We must understand that some people will die, some will survive and worrying has no affect on the outcome. Your thoughts will heal or make you get sick. Find ways to de-stress or calm your soul. Some things that you can do to mange stress are the following:

·         Eat healthy

·         Get adequate sleep

·         Stress management and relaxation techniques such as visualization techniques, meditation, breathing exercises and yoga

·         Have schedule and routines

·         Turn off social media and news – limit your screen time

·         Call or Facetime friends and family

·         Stay connected

·         Read a book that will uplift you

·         Listen to or watch motivational movies

·         Do not stay in bed

·         Wake up early – dress in work clothes if you are working at home

·         Have meals with your family

·         Do not eat in your bedroom – your bedroom should be for sleeping

·         Go for a walk

·         Listen to music

We are very resilient, and we will survive this pandemic. Follow all the safety rules, wash your hands, respect social distancing, use face mask if you want, eat well, and sleep well.

Why Sit Quietly and Read Does not Work for Every Child

Learning Can Look Different 

We are all created differently, and we learn differently. Sit quietly and work might be suitable for some children, but this can be a punishment for others. Our brains process information in ways that is unique to individuals. Some people work well with music, while others prefer to work in a quiet space. One preference is not better than the other. How we process information may look very strange or uncomfortable for others.

 For example, some individuals may need:

• Something in their hands

• Chew gum or other objects

• Listen to soft noise or music

• Stand up while working – use a standing desk

• Sit on the floor

• Have weighted objects to help the focus

• Rock back and forth

• Make noises or hums

• Look away from the speaker, but                                                                                         hears every spoken word

• Draws, doodles, colour while the teacher is lecturing

• Taps his/her feet

• Shake legs or fingers and the list goes on

We should try to understand how children learn and not to label them or make them behave accord to our definition of “good behaviour”. We must understand before we judge or medicate. When there is a misunderstanding of children learning behaviour, we exhaust ourselves as we try to put them into this ancient created box, called “Sit Quietly and Behave”.

Do not try to change children, we must understand how they learn. Often it becomes a problem for the teacher and not the child, so the teacher later creates a problem for the child. For example, if a child always taps his/her feet, makes a loud noise and distract the class. The teacher can place a soft pillow for him/her, and this will eliminate the noise and there will be no distraction. However if the teacher always yells, “ X, stop making this noise”, this may worsen the situation. Remember all children want to behave and learn if they are presented with the right situation. Adults must try to understand and meet the need of the student. I believe that you cannot teach a child if you do not know him or her

www.calgarylearning.com/blog

The Trauma of COVID19

Humankind Will Overcome this Virus and Learn From the Experience

The news, social media and the radio stations are all reporting the horror of Covid19 virus. This has caused an increase in fear and panic worldwide. Some people are locked in their homes with friends and families and others are alone with no one to turn to. This isolation can be very frightening for many. We are social beings and we need to have others around us even if we are not communicating with each other. Their presence makes us feel that we are not alone. Before COVID19, when someone was alone, he/she was advised to go for a walk, go to the mall, go to the park, watch a movie or just go out for a meal where you can see others. Today these options are no longer available for people. Isolation is not the only thing that people are dealing with. There are many issues/problems that individuals are encountering as they stay at home. There are the fear and worry about what is happening in our world and no one seems to have the answer.

This uncertainty has created anxiety for many people. There is a feeling of loss, helplessness, and hopelessness as we try to make sense of a senseless situation. This sense of hopelessness increase mental health issues as people are isolated and quarantined at home. After a month or two isolated dealing with fear, the joys of staying home suddenly disappear and home becomes like a prison for many. Our society will be heading to a pandemic of mental illness from the aftermath of Covid19. Communities must be prepared to handle the demand and reach out to “at-risk” individuals to help them cope with this situation.

Covid19 is a traumatic event and individuals will suffer symptoms like the victims of wars and similar disasters. There is also the burden of grief for individuals who have lost loved ones. They are not able to sit by the bedsides of dying loved ones or say goodbye. Also, some are unable to attend funerals or be with close relatives to help them mourn. At the end of this pandemic, our world, lives, finances, and norms will drastically change. The effect of these changes may have some positive and negative consequences.

Whatever happens we know that we must cope with the situation, and everything will work out in the end. Humankind has survived some terrible things from the July 5, 1201 Earthquake in Egypt and Syria, the Black Plague between 1347 -1530, the Indian Famine in 1767, the Irish Potato Famine of 1845-1848, the drought in China between 1867-1879, the Flu Pandemic in 1918-1919, the Yangtze, Yellow and Huai River floods from 1928-1931 in China, The Great Depression in the 1930’s, Chinese Famine 1959-1961, African drought 1981-1984, North Korea famine and floods between 1995-1998, earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, cyclones, tornadoes, wars, and the list goes on. We will survive this virus and Covid19 will be in the history books.

In most cases disasters have brought humankind together as they struggle to find a solution for a common cause. They become resourceful and creative to survive. This is a time in history where the world has the technology and resources to fight through this virus. The sad reality is that some people will die, but billions of people will survive. Scientists and doctors have an idea what we can do to flatten the curve, and there is no cure or solution to the current situation. This is a global pandemic and every nation is working to find a solution. Everyone has a vital part to play in the safety, reduction, and spread of this virus.

As we are isolated at home let this be a learning experience for us. Share memories together, read, play, pray, learn and research new things, meditate, clean and declutter the house, and cook delicious and healthy meals. Let this be a time of laughter and closeness and not a time of fear. Wasting time should not be an option because it will lead to fear, anxiety and depression.

COVID 19 Isolation

The Problems of Self-Isolation with the Family: The Family Drama – Some of the challenges of being confined at home:

Being with family and friends can be a wonderful experience, but it can be a nightmare for many. Before the COVID 19 virus pandemic, people were very busy, and they lived very different lives that may or may not include constant interaction with family members. Some individuals especially teens were already isolated in their rooms and parents did not have much to with them. Today we are mandated by governments and lawmakers to say home. This might have both negative and positive consequences for family. Let us deal with the positive consequences of this stay at home policy:

1.    Families are forced to slow down and sped time with each other

2.    Siblings can learn how to play together

3.    Families can have meals together

4.    They can talk and listen to each other

5.    Clean together – great time to declutter the house

6.    Watch movies, cook, exercise and listen to music

7.    Spouses can spend time together – reconnecting

8.    Pray, read and learn together

9.    Catch up on past time

Some of the negatives are:

1.    It can be difficult to be locked in the same space with others whom you do not want to be with

2.    Spouses may feel tensed and frustrated with each other

3.    Sibling struggle and fight

4.    Worry about job loss

5.    Financial burden for both parents

6.    Added stress about the virus and the fear of being sick

7.    Worry about the future – the fear of the unknown

8.    The burden of working and homeschooling

9.    Struggle with keeping a schedule

10. Tension with teen age children

11. Increase use of electronic – iPhone, iPad, computers

12. Hard to balance play and learn on the computer

13. Difficulty parenting and disciplining children

14. Increase stress and anxiety

15. The increase of child and family abuse - victims are locked up with their abusers

16. Lack of space to be alone without having noisy children in every room

These are some of the challenges and benefits of being at home with children. This has become our new reality and we did not have time to prepare for it. We must change our mindset to help us navigate through the streets of the unknown world. We must understand that no one has the answer right now. This is very new, and we will have trails and errors in the process. We know that humans are very resourceful, intelligent and resilient. This will be another virus and time that will be written in the history book. We should take this time to find peace and comfort for our soul. Do something that you enjoy or try to find something that you can enjoy. There is nothing that we can do about this situation, but we can choose to be content and grateful in every situation. 10 years from today we will be sitting around the table, campfire or bar and talk about our experiences. Let’s make it a pleasant one despite the fear and worry in the world.

How do we Cope With Working at Home

We are in a difficult time in the history of the world. Many individuals stuck at home due to the outbreak of the Covid19 virus. We have a new normal where families have to stay at home as schools and businesses are closed. How can we survive this social isolation? We have to be very creative and focus on the needs of everyone. Children may find it very difficult to be inside and are unable to play with friends.

Here are a few things that we can to stay sane:

• Create a schedule 
• Wake up at regular time
• Shower and get dressed 
• Do not work in your pajamas
• Speak with a coworker or another adult everyday
• Give children some educational activity
• Play with your children and make crafts together
• Create an emergency plan for your family
• Check your mental health 
• Talk to children if they have any question
• Find time to relax, meditate or read or do something that you enjoy
• Reduce your time on social media
• Don't panic
•  Keep calm

What Can I do With my Child in Spring Break?

What Can I do With my Child in Spring Break?

Parents must keep children active during the spring break. They had a very long winter without school recess because it was too cold. Most children will want to catch up on lost sleep and try to take a break from learning. Learning should never stop during the school holidays.
Here are a few things that parents can do with their children:

• Take them to the local library
• Visit Leisure Centres
• YWCA has programs for children
• Make crafts with them - use household items and you can purchase glue and other items at Dollarama or second-hand stores (if money is an issue).
• Go for walks in your area or in a park
• Play with your child - this will build memories for a lifetime.
• Read together
• Prepare a meal together
• Clean the house together - you can use music to lighten the mood
• Calgary Parks and Recreation have activities for children

This can always be a challenge for single and working parents, but just try to spend time with your children. It does not have to be long hours. Every minute counts. 

Childhood only lasts for 18 years. Let's enjoy and build positive memories together.