Why Can We Stop Bullying?

Bullying has always been a problem for many generations. Many countries and groups of people have rallies, theme days, national appeals, and many other things to put an end to bullying. Recently movie stars and national role-models have reached out to some of the victims to help build positive self-esteem, but the problem is still evident in our world. We cannot solve the problem by trying to make the bully feel guilty or feel sorry for his/her deeds. We need to heal our world, not blame, or judge others. If we know or can walk in the bully’s shoes, we will be surprised by the pain that he/she is carrying. 

There are long lists of the effect, signs, and symptoms of bullying, but we do not pay attention to the mental state of the bully. Bullying is like a “mental disorder” that cannot be overlooked. I am not minimizing the victim’s pain, but I am saying that if we look deeper, we will see that they are all victims. We cannot solve this by standing up to the bully or trying to make him/her understand his/her actions. Waving a pink shirt in the bully’s face is like waving a bottle of wine in an alcoholic’s face. We must solve the problem at the root or source. It is like putting a band-aid on the wound or treating the symptoms and not the problem. With this in mind, we must reach out to others with love and compassion and not judge. Bullies are seen in every economic status, race, gender and aged group. It is easy to point the finger to children and teens, but there are lots of adult bullies everywhere in our community and world.

There are many bullies who are CEO’s, managers, principals, co-workers, and people who are in supervisory positions. These bullies may not be seen as bullies because they are in a superior role and they oversee subordinate employees. We must help our bullies and the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying may experience physical, emotional, and behavioral problems. It is stated that the victims of bullying may experience physical symptoms such as stress, headaches, stomach-aches, changes in appetite, bedwetting, dizziness, and general aches and pains. Psychological symptoms often include irritability, anxiety, sadness, trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares, tiredness in the mornings, loneliness, helplessness, and feeling isolated. Victims of bullying especially children and teens may exhibit behavioral symptoms such as avoiding social situations, getting to school or late for work, taking off more days, skipping school without telling parents, or even trying to retaliate against their tormentors. As they struggle with the effect of bullying their grades may decline, and they may become self-destructive even run away from home, hurting themselves or contemplating suicide to run away from the pain of bullying.

The bully may be experiencing all the same physical, psychological, mental, and emotional pain similar to the victim. Bullying is very complex, we have to solve it with the joint effort of families, teachers, caretakers and everyone who is raising children, bullies, and victims of bullying. Let us join together and help and protect children before it is too late.

The Mental Effects of Covid19

As we stay at home alone or with families and loved ones, we are filled with overwhelming emotions. We are bombarded with the news of COVID19 and all the other depressing things that are happening in our world. We are dealing with the fear of the unknown, anxiety about how long this pandemic will last, worry about health, economic hardship, joblessness, online learning, teaching our children, working at home, and the list goes on and on. People are glued to their phones and social media eagerly waiting to hear the number of new cases, the number of deaths and how many recovered from COVID19. Staying updated can be a daunting task, which involve staying up late wrestling with sleeplessness.

This need to know everything has created added stress for many people. Anxiety is a normal emotion that serves a purpose in our lives, but chronic stress can be dangerous.  Chronic anxiety or a constant or prolong state of heightened anxiety can be harmful for an individual.  A prolong heightened anxiety can cause some of the following:

•  Increased heart rate, sweating, and or chest pain
• Decrease appetite or binge eating
• Having trouble sleeping
• Feeling detached or unreal

·         Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems such as stomach pain including indigestion, gas and bloating, abdominal cramps and pain, and irritable bowel syndrome.

• Difficulty breathing including a choking sensation, hyperventilation (Breathing rapidly), asthma attacks and coughing fits.
• Negative thoughts including anticipating danger and catastrophe
• Low energy level feeling weak and tired
• Frequent feelings of inadequacy or impending failure, danger, panic, or doom
• Believing that something bad will happen
• Feeling nervous, restless, or tense
• Trouble concentrating or thinking
• Preoccupied or fixated on the present situation
• Having difficulty controlling worry – consumed with negative thoughts
• Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety – avoid places and people

During this time of chaos, panic and worry, we must take control of our bodies and be aware of what we need to survive this pandemic. We must come to a place where we can say, “I know that I will be ok.” Individuals who have been suffering with anxiety will find it very difficult to stay calm and understand that things will get better. Remember a time in your life when things were bad, and it became better and this will bring you through.

Coping Skills

This pandemic will not last forever. We must understand that some people will die, some will survive and worrying has no affect on the outcome. Your thoughts will heal or make you get sick. Find ways to de-stress or calm your soul. Some things that you can do to mange stress are the following:

·         Eat healthy

·         Get adequate sleep

·         Stress management and relaxation techniques such as visualization techniques, meditation, breathing exercises and yoga

·         Have schedule and routines

·         Turn off social media and news – limit your screen time

·         Call or Facetime friends and family

·         Stay connected

·         Read a book that will uplift you

·         Listen to or watch motivational movies

·         Do not stay in bed

·         Wake up early – dress in work clothes if you are working at home

·         Have meals with your family

·         Do not eat in your bedroom – your bedroom should be for sleeping

·         Go for a walk

·         Listen to music

We are very resilient, and we will survive this pandemic. Follow all the safety rules, wash your hands, respect social distancing, use face mask if you want, eat well, and sleep well.

Why Sit Quietly and Read Does not Work for Every Child

Learning Can Look Different 

We are all created differently, and we learn differently. Sit quietly and work might be suitable for some children, but this can be a punishment for others. Our brains process information in ways that is unique to individuals. Some people work well with music, while others prefer to work in a quiet space. One preference is not better than the other. How we process information may look very strange or uncomfortable for others.

 For example, some individuals may need:

• Something in their hands

• Chew gum or other objects

• Listen to soft noise or music

• Stand up while working – use a standing desk

• Sit on the floor

• Have weighted objects to help the focus

• Rock back and forth

• Make noises or hums

• Look away from the speaker, but                                                                                         hears every spoken word

• Draws, doodles, colour while the teacher is lecturing

• Taps his/her feet

• Shake legs or fingers and the list goes on

We should try to understand how children learn and not to label them or make them behave accord to our definition of “good behaviour”. We must understand before we judge or medicate. When there is a misunderstanding of children learning behaviour, we exhaust ourselves as we try to put them into this ancient created box, called “Sit Quietly and Behave”.

Do not try to change children, we must understand how they learn. Often it becomes a problem for the teacher and not the child, so the teacher later creates a problem for the child. For example, if a child always taps his/her feet, makes a loud noise and distract the class. The teacher can place a soft pillow for him/her, and this will eliminate the noise and there will be no distraction. However if the teacher always yells, “ X, stop making this noise”, this may worsen the situation. Remember all children want to behave and learn if they are presented with the right situation. Adults must try to understand and meet the need of the student. I believe that you cannot teach a child if you do not know him or her

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